the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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