looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
