I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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