I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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