hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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