You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
