Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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