It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
