why didn't you poke me back
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
