I have demons in me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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