i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
