i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
