Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
