Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
