If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize