I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
