Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
