worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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