Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
