"it" just moved
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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