Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
