Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
