Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
