I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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