in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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