He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
