Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
