and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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