wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
