My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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