The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize