i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
