Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize