Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
