Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize