Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just googled if crying burns calories
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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