We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
