I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
