if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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