Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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