I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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