I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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