Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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