he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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