he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
