He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
