I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
