Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
