Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
