I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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