Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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