Just fell off a train. Bad.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
