just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
