I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
