i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
