he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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