The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
