i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
