she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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