It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize