well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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