Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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