you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
