i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
