You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
