the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
