I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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