i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
