I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
